†††† Iím off to Darwin. My mateís gone bush. The up side is his car is free. The car, is a 4-cylinder diesel Toyota Ute. It comes with a list of instructions, well only one. It has no key. Itís in the back yard. The doors are open, itís covered in dints, the passenger seat is full, and thereís no handbrake. I jam a screwdriver in the ignition. Nothing. Flip the bonnet, hook up the battery, twist, It's a goer. I chuck the swag in, and I'm off. Well, off to Auto Barn. The blinker doesn't, oilís low, the washer bottle is empty. † Globe, oil, water, now the washer is just doesnít work.
††† Soon I'm at Bachelor. From there itís dirt road with vague instructions to Cindaís. She lives on a bush block with horses, and chooks. The nearest shop is 30 Km away. God knows where I can get a latte. Next day she's off to work early. I wave her goodbye, jump in the Ute. Click. Bugger, I know why the battery was disconnected. Fortunately, I'm on a farm. I find a battery charger. An hour later, the battery is charged. Click. Bugger. I grab a tractor, and try a jump start. Click. Next I change the battery. Click. Time for a cuppa. The Farm has a slight hill, maybe I can roll start it. Back to the shed. I'm towing the Ute backwards up hill, and then the rope breaks. The Ute takes off. I catch it as it hits the fence. Bugger. No major damage just another dint. Get the tractor, and tie the rope back together again. At last I get it to the top of the hill. I push it hoping it will start. Clutch, Third gear, the fence is approaching rapidly, a few revs, clutch "BRAKE". I stop. Just before the fence. The Bastardís running. I carefully drive it up the hill, and then I spend an hour putting everything back.
†I'm on the road again. The window winder is broken, so I hit the AC. It doesnít work, same for the fan, radio, and lighter. The vent knobs are all immovable. The dash has been hit it with an axe. Only the speedo works. The donk is ticking over well, so twenty minutes later Iím at a Buley Rock Hole. Itís a beautiful swimming spot. Still not totally sure of the reliability of the Ute I park at the very top of the car park, then head off for a swim. Back to the car, I turn the screwdriver it starts. Refreshed I decide head off to Katharine, its only another 200 km.
†I stop at Adelaide River and fill her up.Ten clicks down the road the dash lights up like a Christmas tree. GenFbltIgnEngTmp, well at least some lights work on the thing. The engineís still purring over so I pull up and lift the hood. No clouds of steam, everything†† looks relatively normal. I admit defeat. Two hours later Iím back in Darwin. I park out the front, and unload my gear leaving the donk running. I move it around the corner, turn it off, the just for interest try to start it again. Click Nothing. I reckon Iíve got out of jail free. I close the door, and abandon her.
PS Russ fixed her when he got home. He changed the battery. Then tried to push start it. Then got his mate whoís a gun with Toyotaís to tow him around the block several times with a bit of tinkering in between. Then he bought a new car.
The unedited one is here