I’m off to Darwin. My mate’s gone
bush. The up side is his car is free. The car, is a 4-cylinder diesel Toyota
Ute. It comes with a list of instructions, well only one. It has no key. It’s
in the back yard. The doors are open, it’s covered in dints, the passenger seat
is full, and there’s no handbrake. I jam a screwdriver in the ignition.
Nothing. Flip the bonnet, hook up the battery, twist, It's a goer. I chuck the
swag in, and I'm off. Well, off to Auto Barn. The blinker doesn't, oil’s low,
the washer bottle is empty.
Globe, oil, water, now the washer is just doesn’t work.
Soon I'm at Bachelor.
From there it’s dirt road with vague instructions to Cinda’s. She lives on a
bush block with horses, and chooks. The nearest shop is 30 Km away. God knows
where I can get a latte. Next day she's off to work early. I wave her goodbye,
jump in the Ute. Click. Bugger, I know why the battery was disconnected.
Fortunately, I'm on a farm. I find a battery charger. An hour later, the
battery is charged. Click. Bugger. I grab a tractor, and try a jump start.
Click. Next I change the battery. Click. Time for a cuppa. The Farm has a
slight hill, maybe I can roll start it. Back to the shed. I'm towing the Ute
backwards up hill, and then the rope breaks. The Ute takes off. I catch it as
it hits the fence. Bugger. No major damage just another dint. Get the tractor,
and tie the rope back together again. At last I get it to the top of the hill.
I push it hoping it will start. Clutch, Third gear, the fence is approaching
rapidly, a few revs, clutch "BRAKE". I stop. Just before the fence.
The Bastard’s running. I carefully drive it up the hill, and then I spend an
hour putting everything back.
I'm on the road again. The window winder is broken, so I hit the AC. It doesn’t work, same for the fan, radio, and lighter. The vent knobs are all immovable. The dash has been hit it with an axe. Only the speedo works. The donk is ticking over well, so twenty minutes later I’m at a Buley Rock Hole. It’s a beautiful swimming spot. Still not totally sure of the reliability of the Ute I park at the very top of the car park, then head off for a swim. Back to the car, I turn the screwdriver it starts. Refreshed I decide head off to Katharine, its only another 200 km.
I stop at Adelaide River and fill her up.Ten clicks down the road the dash lights up like a Christmas tree. GenFbltIgnEngTmp, well at least some lights work on the thing. The engine’s still purring over so I pull up and lift the hood. No clouds of steam, everything looks relatively normal. I admit defeat. Two hours later I’m back in Darwin. I park out the front, and unload my gear leaving the donk running. I move it around the corner, turn it off, the just for interest try to start it again. Click Nothing. I reckon I’ve got out of jail free. I close the door, and abandon her.
PS Russ fixed her when he got home. He changed the battery. Then tried to push start it. Then got his mate who’s a gun with Toyota’s to tow him around the block several times with a bit of tinkering in between. Then he bought a new car.
The unedited one is here